Victoria's Journal, Year 2006 Entries

Milestones

Nov 10: Shaved legs (first time)

Dec 03: Disclosures to wife: trans identity; website
Dec 07: Disclosure as trans to family physician
Dec 18: First psychotherapy session
Dec 19: First orders placed for trans books
Dec 28: Second psychotherapy session

JANUARY - NOVEMBER, 2006

• Saturday January 21, 2006: Wow! I really haven't updated this page in quite some time! To be honest, there are bone fide reasons, including my recovery from my back injury, plus other non-related but significant surgeries. I'm now fully recovered, as healthy as I've ever been! Accordingly, my focus over the past couple of years has been recoveries and work, more so than updating this page. However, I've promised myself to keep contributing to this 'journal!'

• September 2006: My wife and I spent the last half of September vacationing in British Columbia (Vancouver; Vancouver Island including Victoria)! It was so great to be back "home," but heartbreaking both to leave B.C once again, and to realize that we really cannot afford to live (buy a home) in Vancouver. The median home value in Vancouver is ~$CDN 700,000 (~$US 630,000), and while there are options such as renting basement apartment suites to tenants or commuting, none are really satisfactory. The traffic is very bad, making commutes very arduous, and home values in the suburbs are still very pricey. Even condos in desirable places to live tend to start at ~$700K for 900 sq. ft.! Nevertheless, we had a very good time, visiting favorite places and seeing old friends for the first time in 5-1/2 years!! During this trip, I decided to be a little more bold, wearing slightly heavier make-up, and favorite bras covered only by a tee-shirt, regardless of visibility (at least around strangers) - at breakfast, restaurants, stores, while out walking around, hiking, etc. I really didn't care if anyone noticed, and loved the "freedom." ;-)

• Friday November 10, 2006: After wanting to do so for several years, I finally decided to shave my legs for the first time! This was not an entirely trivial step as I prefer to wear shorts, year-round, finding jeans and trousers far too uncomfortable and confining! After carefully trimming my leg hair, I proceeded to wet shave using my double-edged (blade) razor. I thought I was being careful, but not careful enough ... I ended up with wonderfully smooth legs :-) , but also many deep nicks and cuts! It actually shocked me how much damage I had unintentionally done - what a mess!

  I decided however, that I was not going to try to hide the end result(s) by wearing jeans, and would deal with whatever comments came my way. I am certain that everyone notices, but rather surprisingly no one has asked about it. Perhaps after 2-3 years of subtle observations [glimpsed or imagined bra outlines; fingernails occassionally coated - one or twice - with clear nail polish that I actually (legitimately) needed for use at work for non-cosmetic reasons ... but since I was doing that, why not do my nails, also ;-) ; light mascara], people may generally have some idea as to the reason(s) why, or simply respect my privacy. Either way, I am comfortable, and if asked, would have simply replied (truthfully) that I really (really) dislike body hair.

  Post-Script: I have continued shaving my legs, etc. with my razor, but I am especially careful with my legs, and although the wounds have healed nicely, the discolorations will take several months to fade.

DECEMBER 2006

• Early December, 2006: I am very fortunate to be in a stable, loving and honest long-term relationship (married almost 19 years), with no real obstacles - real or imagined. After thinking about this - a lot - for several years, I've finally decided that the time has arrived to more fully explore my gender identity, for a number of reasons. Overall, I feel strongly compelled (and comfortable) at this point in my life (my mid-40's) to express rather than repress my femininity! Among the issues I have been considering, the effects of ageing on future transitioning efforts are a real concern to me. My family history of male-pattern hair loss (that I fortunately not had to deal with, thus far) really concerns me quite a bit, in this regard, as does graying hairs and the possible detrimental effects this has regarding electrolysis or laser hair removal procedures! ...

• Sunday December 03, 2006: I've firmly decided to make some initial forays regarding my gender identity. I decided that the time had finally arrived to share my web site with my wife. I hadn't intentionally kept this site from her or actively tried to hide it, but I really did not want to cause her any undue anxiety. It always bothered me a bit, as it was the one thing that I hadn't openly shared with her. As I expected, she reacted remarkably well. A couple of days later, I mentioned that during an upcoming scheduled appointment with our family physician - for non-related, routine health matters - that I would really like to take the opportunity to ask if he had any transgendered patients. This request was also remarkably well received, outwardly (although I cannot imagine the inner angst that all of this must certainly be generating within her)! While I have been preoccupied with transgender-related issues for several years, she obviously has had neither the time to digest the information, nor time to research and explore the issues.

• Thursday December 07, 2006: Wow! My wonderful (!) wife ('Sunshine') accompanied me to my family physician, where I "identified" myself as transgendered, with her at my side. We all agreed that the best and next logical step would be to consult with a clinical psychotherapist who has experience treating transgendered clients! :-) While this was my suggestion, it is nonetheless a big step for me, since I am an intensely private person, despite having this public personna (web site, albeit cloaked in relative anonymity). However, I realize that we absolutely need a skilled, trained and experienced counselor who can objectively and expertly guide us. My doctor provided me with three names of counselors (clinical psychologists), but I did not recognize any of the names, nor could I find anything about them on the internet. However, in my previous explorations of local TG resources, I had compiled a list of several local psychotherapists / counselors purported to have experience with transgendered patients, some of whom I felt would be much more qualified.

• December 07-17, 2006: Having a list of three of my own and three physician-provided names of TG counselors that we could potentially use, I initiated a search (licensing boards; local LGBT groups, TG organizations, TG personalities, etc.) to see if they recognized the names that I had provided, and their brief impressions, if so. My criteria, in descending order of preference, were that our counselor be qualified (licensed), experienced (TG clients) and locally available. The first criterion is especially important, if hormonal (endocrine) therapy or letters for physicians / medical treatment are required, as determined! Following this preliminary work, we ultimately decided that Samuel Allen (Samuel Allen Counseling and Consulting) would be the perfect therapist for my wife and I! We therefore scheduled our first session ...

• Monday December 18, 2006: ... The big day! My wife and I met for the first time with our highly qualified, licensed (MA, NCC, LPC) psychotherapist, Samuel Allen! It was a very good, relaxed first session where we basically got to know one another, and more importantly, provided a forum for discussion between the three of us. As I mentioned, I tend to be very private, even at home, but under these circimstances, I was very comfortable discussing my innermost feelings and desires, for the first time ever with anyone. My intention is to be as forthright and open as possible. Sam is the first one, other than my wife, who knows my true identity, thus far. My wife understandably had some very real and significant concerns, but to her credit, she is very open-minded and willing to learn more about transgenderism and how she will react to it. Sam left us with some books to consider reading (below) and some 'homework' for me ... We decided to meet again, approximately a week later, though future sessions will almost certainly be spaced futher apart.

  During our session, Sam showed us some books, including the following books that I later decided to order online:

  • Helen Boyd, My Husband Betty: Love, Sex, and Life with a Crossdresser,
  • Virginia Erhardt, Head over Heels: Wives Who Stay With Cross-Dressers and Transsexuals, and
  • Mildred L. Brown & Chloe Ann Rounsley, True Selves: Understanding Transsexualism -- For Families, Friends, Coworkers, and Helping Professionals.
  • Donna Rose, Wrapped in Blue: A Journey of Discovery.

• Tuesday December 19, 2006: I placed an order (Amazon.com) the books listed above. As I was ordering, one of the recommended choices was a second book that is forthcoming from Helen Boyd, that I pre-ordered:
  • Helen Boyd, She's Not the Man I Married: My Life with a Transgender Husband.

  Also today, a great moment! During a MSN chat session - me at work, my wife at home - my wife addressed me as Victoria when she was signing off, which made my whole afternoon! :-) :-) This is perhaps a good time to tell the story of why I identify as Victoria ... First of all, I just love the unmistakably feminine and elegant name! Even better, surprisingly I don't actually know (or have known) anyone named Victoria, so I really do not associate any female personna, other than mine, with this name! :-) Also, my wife and I moved here to North Carolina from Victoria, British Columbia, a city that we both truly love. Thus, 'Victoria' is also a pleasant and memorable keepsake of that wonderful place, where we shared six years of our lives. Lastly, Victoria is the home of the renowned Butchart Gardens, originally a sterile / barren rock quarry that was transformed - with lots of vision, time and hard work - into the spectacularly magnificient botanical gardens that exist, today! What better simile could there be, for my own journey?!

• Saturday December 23, 2006: Despite the holiday season, three of my books arrived today from Amazon.com: Helen Boyd, "My Husband Betty ...;" Mildred L. Brown, "True Selves: Understanding Transsexualism ...;" and Donna Rose, "Wrapped in Blue: A Journey of Discovery." While my wife settled in over the holidays to read Helen Boyd's book (which is probably the best selection among the arrivals as a "starter guide" / introduction to CD and TG for her, especially from a spouse's perspective), I read Donna Rose's book, then Brown & Rounsley's book. I literally could not put down Donna Rose's book, the first third of which I especially identified, very strongly! Overall, I thought it was a senstive, well-written and compelling memoir. Although I am more-or-less aware of a lot of what is covered in Mildred Brown's book (I completed reading this book on Dec. 26), of course I learned much, and see it's value as a guide not only for transgendered and transsexual individuals, but especially so for the target audience (therapists, medical professionals, family, loved ones, co-workers etc.)!

• Monday December 25, 2006: Christmas Day! After reflecting on past and current desires and interests, I have decided to make some significant changes to this website. I self-identify with transgendered (TG) people much more than crossdressers (CD) or other groups. For example, although my wife and I regularly attend Drag Bingo, I also do not identify at all with the large proportion of the audience who are gay, nor with the Drag Queens. Therefore, I've decided to change my online name from Victoria CD to Victoria TG. I've also decided to split this page (my Journal) from my Guestbook/Feedback page, and to start incorporating more thoughts and comments, as this will certainly be a useful exercise for me, and may hopefully even be useful to others, potentially. I am also planning to trim (excise) some of the "fluffier" content, to focus more on TG advocacy and community resource issues, etc. On the personal side, my wife and I spent a quiet but thoroughly enjoyable Christmas - with just the two of us, we typically don't make a big fuss. One of her small gifts to me, that was greatly appreciated, was a pair of dark pantyhose from Lane Bryant that were desparately needed - the perfect gift for the 'man' who has everything - or the girl, who doesn't! (LOL) ;-)

• Thursday December 28, 2006: Our second counseling session with Sam Allen.

• Saturday December 30, 2006: My wife and I spent the afternoon shopping, where we found an absolutely beautiful, embroidered full-length denim skirt (Soho), a "moss-colored" (I'm terrible at explaining colors, it's actually a very nice shade, similar to shade 52, here ... I'll have to get my wife to snap a few new pictures of me for my Photos page ... ;-) cabled (100% cotton), deep scooped neck sweater (Jeanne Pierre Woman), and a very nice light, sleeveless black v-neck sweater (Finity Woman)! Now, I just need a new pair of shoes (pumps!), and I may just get up the courage to wear some of these to the next Drag Bingo (sans wig etc., but simply "as I am, en femme"?!) Stay tumed ...

  Post-script: I actually wore some of these in public for the first time (ever!) on January 13, 2007! ... Refer to my 2007 Journal Entries! :-)

• Sunday December 31, 2006: My wife and I again spent the afternoon shopping, where we found a very beautiful dark navy sleeveless Ralph Lauren sweater (reg. price $119, on sale for ~$37 incl. taxes!) for me!

  As in past years, my wife and I enjoyed a quiet "traditional" (for us) New Year's Eve at the movies: "Eragon," this year (Lord of the Rings, on previous New Years' Eves ...).