Lost Dreams
Written by Carol and Rob Rosen (Justin's parents)
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On Wednesday, May 2nd, Carol went into premature labor and at 12:22pm, she gave birth to the most precious little boy we have ever seen. His name was Justin Michael. Unfortunately, though, at 1lb 4oz and 23 weeks, he was not developed enough to survive. We love him and will miss him dearly.
We heard him cry twice and for a brief period of time, while holding him, we saw him move his hands and put his fingers in his mouth. Knowing that he was a healthy, but premature, and perfectly formed baby at birth is what makes this so hard.
Please always remember in your minds and in your hearts - life is far too precious to be taken for granted.
A letter that I wrote on the 4 week anniversary of losing Justin: ...It's been 4 weeks today
since we lost our precious Justin and the pain feels just as fresh as it did
on that fateful day. Wednesdays have been kind of hard days ever since, but
this one is hitting me harder than some of the others. The hurt and the
pain and the sadness are still so intense. I just want Justin to know that
I love him... that we love him... that his parents are still here thinking
about him.. .all the time. I love our little boy more than I ever thought I could love anyone or
anything in my life. For those of you who don't know, I gave birth to
Justin at 23 weeks, he was alive for a short time afterwards, but the
doctors said he was just too small - there was nothing they could do. I am
so thankful that we had those incredible 15-20 minutes with Justin alive in
our arms. I wouldn't trade that time for anything. Although I'll always
wish I had more time. To see him put his little fingers in his mouth, to
feel him move his little legs, and to hear him give out two cries was the
most incredible thing. He was such a perfect combination of Rob and me. I always have such mixed feelings on these anniversary days. May 2nd was
the day that I was no longer pregnant, the day that Justin passed away, and
the day that all of our hopes and dreams for him were taken with him. I
also know that a part of me was taken away with him. Some days it hurts so
bad that I feel like they ripped my heart out and took it with Justin. On
the other hand, I don't want to view that day only as bad. It was Justin's
birthday, the day we were blessed with the miracle of life (if only for a
short time). The day I got to see his precious face, hear him cry, feel him
move, and hold him until he passed away in our arms. He looked so peaceful.
Those bittersweet, happy moments are the ones that I want to hold on to
forever. The ones I always want to remember. Someday, I hope to smile when
I think of those moments instead of cry. But however I spend these days,
each moment is a tribute to Justin and his short precious life. I'll carry
him in my heart always.